Choice. I have a niece. I love her dearly and she drives me crazy. Her theory in life is that we choose how we will react. Is that insane or what? Granted sometimes I worry she is going to push herself over the edge someday by being cheerful when she needs to accept she isn’t perfect and she is allowed to cry once in awhile, but generally (as much as I hate to admit it) she is right. She chooses to be happy and she is. I watch in amazement. Why isn’t it that clear-cut for me? I used to pretend it was, but she really radiates it.
Choice. Step Three is our first real action step. We make the choice to Recover. I’m amazed at how many people we lose from the group before they get to Step Three. That’s why I am there, but now I have to really commit. It isn’t just a wish any more. But it is more than just “I choose to Recover” that I am committing to. I am choosing to change some things in my life that will in turn help me recover.
Some I’ve already discussed:
- Humility
- Submission to the will of God
- Patience/Long-suffering
Along with these, are a few that I will need to develop in order to get ready for the next Steps:
- Gentleness
- Openness
- Temperance
- Diligence
- Gratitude
Think of it this way: these things are a formula for a super-Drain-O that clears the pathway between us and God/our Higher Power that allows Him to work in our lives. I admitted I couldn’t do it alone in Step One. I realized there was Hope through God in Step Two. Now I guess, I have to open the channel to God and Trust in His ability to help me.
Gentleness
As an addict, it is easy for me to be super-critical. Surprisingly, it is usually of myself and not others. I am, as the saying goes, my own worst enemy. But there are two people that I have had to forgive, to learn gentleness toward before I can expect to fall on the mercy of the Lord. No, make that three. I had to forgive my grandfather – to realize that he raised my father and uncles and aunt who are all incredible people and to realize that I don’t want him to suffer. I had to forgive my grandmother, because I blamed her for pushing and manipulating my grandfather toward his addiction. And I had to forgive myself for hating my grandparents when I wasn’t even sure if anything had really happened. I had to put everything in the past and gentle my soul so I could love people again. For as Paul preached to the Ephesians:
- And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Openness
Why is it as I grow older, I grow more suspicious and hardened, unwilling to listen and learn? I become prideful and think I know more than those around me. I’m reading in the New Testament right now and am amazed that when Paul and Barnabas are preaching and the hearts of their listeners are “pricked,” the reaction is frequently that they attack rather than repent. In Lystra, Paul and Barnabas performed great miracles and were hailed as the gods Jupiter and Mercurius. Although they were able to convince the people they were not gods, Paul ended up being stoned by the people and dragged out of the city and left for dead.
How does this apply to me? Hopefully not with an exact parallel. But how often do I refuse the healing miracle? How often do I admit defeat before I even try? How many of us never even work the steps? How many of us are sure that our situation is so unique that none of this applies?
Me! But you know what? I was wrong. And if I give up trying to be the worst case out there, maybe there is hope for me.
Temperance
I’ve used the pendulum symbolism before. As addicts, we live in the world of extremes – in everything. I remember years ago, a bishop’s wife spoke in church and told us to stay in the mainstream of the church; not to be an extremist even in our devotion. My immediate thought was that she was making excusing for not being willing to live the gospel to the ultimate degree. I wanted to become perfect in this life and that didn’t mean staying in the mainstream.
Word to the wise – she was right. Insanity lies in that direction. She didn’t mean only to obey 50% of the commandments. She was warning against extremism such as trying to fast for 40 days. (Okay, I only made it for one week. Friends finally forced me to eat because after a week, you really have no appetite.) Sometimes we have to remember that we are not the Savior. But when you become an extremist, you lose the love for your fellowman because, try as you might, you begin looking down on their puny efforts.
You also damn yourself a thousand different ways when you fail.
As an addict, temperance is my lifeline. In order to be strong, I must respect my addiction so it doesn’t blindside me. Lack of temperance brings arrogance brings failure. Don’t believe me? Test it. Better yet: avoid that hornet’s nest all together.
Diligence
Okay – one word – elephant. If you are lost, please refer to previous posts.
There is a poem by D. H. Groberg that I love entitled, “The Race.” It talks of a young boy running a race with his father watching. He wants to win for his father so bad that he keeps falling. Still, remembering his father, he gets up each time and keeps going. He finishes last, far behind all the others, feeling defeated and a failure:
- They cheered the winning runner as he crossed the line first place
Head high, and proud and happy no falling, no disgrace
But when the fallen youngster crossed the line last place,
The crowd gave him the greater cheer for finishing the race
And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud,
You would have thought he won the race to listen to the crowd
And to his dad he sadly said “I didn't do so well.”
“To me you won,” his father said. “You rose each time you fell.”
And now when things seem dark and hard and difficult to face,
The memory of that little boy helps me in my race.
For all of life is like that race with ups and downs and all,
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
“Quit, give up, your beaten,” they still shout in my face,
But another voice within me says, “Get up and win the race.”
For me it is simple: if I screw up, don’t give up. The race isn’t over.
Gratitude
This is an easy one to screw up on. When I make it through a day, I think I’ve succeeded. It’s easy to forget who got me through. It’s a little like the story of Harold.
- Harold is walking down a darkened alley, when he's suddenly confronted by two masked men carrying guns. Fearing for his life, Harold throws his hands heavenward and begins to pray, "God, save me, please save me! I'll do anything, God - I'll go to synagogue every day, I'll take that long-overdue trip to Israel, and I'll even give half my income to charity!"
At that moment, a police car pulls into the alley, and the thugs flee. Harold looks heavenward and says, "Never mind, God, I took care of it myself!"
Don’t get me wrong. We have to do our part. We can’t be like the man who had all the faith in the world that God would save him and couldn’t figure out why he drowned.
- A flood threatens a town, forcing everyone to evacuate, But Joe thinks, "I'm a devout man, God will save me," and stays put.
As the waters rise, Joe's neighbor comes by and says, "Joe come with me, we've got to go." Joe declines, "I'm a devout man, God will save me."
The waters keep rising, Joe scrambles to his second floor. A firefighter in a rowboat comes by. "Get in the boat or you'll drown," he says. Joe again declines, saying, "God will save me. So this flood story goes."
Finally, the flood waters force Joe to his roof. A police helicopter comes by and throws down a rope. "Climb up or you'll drown," the policeman yells. "No, I'm a devout man, God will save me," Joe replies.
Soon, Joe drowns. He arrives in heaven and challenges God. "Why didn't you help me?"
"What do you mean?" God says. "I did help. I sent a neighbor, a firefighter and a helicopter."
I have to recognize his help when it comes. Otherwise, I may just find myself back where I was, relying on the most unreliable source – me.
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