Step 2 - Awakening

Once upon a time, there was a sleeping princess. She either pricked her finger on a spinning wheel spindle or bit a poisoned apple. As a result, she was in a deathlike sleep. For one, the sleep lasted one hundred years; for the other, we aren't exactly sure. They thought she was dead and put her in a glass coffin. In the fairy tales, the princess didn't have to do anything but lie there and look beautiful until a prince came along, fell in love with her, and kissed her. AWAKENING! And they lived happily ever after. (Unless you have seen Into the Woods when you discover life after the happily ever after.)

Life isn't a fairy tale.

For an addict, life is more like a nightmare. It's just that we get confused about which part of our lives is the nightmare and which part is worth experiencing. We've self-medicated so long that the "sober" moments feel like the nightmare but in reality, it is our addictions that form our nightmares. Deep inside, we know that or we wouldn't be fighting so hard for recovery.

Awakening is becoming fully aware of that fact and realizing the power that Christ/our Higher Power has in our lives to restore us to spiritual health/sanity. It is becoming aware of Hope.

So how am I more aware of Jesus Christ and His power in my life than I was? Good question.

I am a person full of dichotomies - polar opposites.

• I have always believed in Christ/I have doubted Christ.
• Part of me believes absolutely/part of me fears He is the brownies that turned out not to exist. (See previous posts.)
• Part of me has absolute faith in the atonement/part of me believes the atonement applies to everyone but me.
• Part of me believes I can overcome my addictions/part of me fears that I have already fallen down so many times that I have proven, in the end, I will just fall again.

At this moment, I feel quieter - more at peace. I'm trying to believe. Does this mean I've experienced this Awakening finally? I really don't know. I know I've felt more in touch with the Spirit many times during the past, but I hadn't faced the truth of the addiction then. It was more of a quick fix for sin. This time, maybe it is an Awakening because I'm seeing things for what they are AND I'm regaining peace and trust in the Lord.

This time, I'm in it for the long term; so maybe the princess has awakened after all.